Wednesday, January 9, 2013

The road is long...


This might be one of those posts that others feel like they don’t want to read.  I’m disheartened make no mistake.  But in plain and simple terms I need to just say something…

Life is ever changing, the chapters continue regardless of my circumstances.  Clouds might shade the sun however, it consistently rises and sets each day; for that I am grateful.

In the midst of changes I can’t seem to make right.  For the others I can’t seem to make happy I am truly sorry.  You know what they say about the road paved with good intentions… but still I try.  I want so badly to solve.  That is what I am, the solver, the fixer of all, the go to, the make it all better woman.
{A little long for a superhero title I know.  Wink}

But in the center of this world that won’t allow for mistakes, or scrutiny that hinders, or defeat that won’t be expected I see a light.

I will be honest.  I don’t know how this one will be solved.  And that should have been a plural, it’s not just one problem.  But while my body continues to reject what I push it through with trembling hands, and finger tips that go numb I stumbled upon my
“About me and them page”

I just want to share it, even if you’ve already read it.

Bailey
The Radiance:  She is the ray of warmth open arms, soft hands to wipe tears; a graceful voice of comfort.  Encouraging words, delivering support she is the right hand; the guardian to the throne.

McKenna
The Healer: She sits quietly behind the scenes waiting to take her place.  She aids the tired bringing calm to the shaken soul.  Always there to pick up the pieces and stow them carefully in a small box of burden she keeps for all of us.

Hanna
The Fire: She heats our cold spirits and lights our candles that diminish from strong winds of madness.  Her brightness illuminates our path and upon trudging towards a new journey, she always packs additional kindling.  Without her warmth, a cold winter we would bear.

Breelyn
The Humor:  She fills our world with loud laughter and streams of smile.  Where there is ache, she crafts delight.  Loving giggles and mischief as a science, she quakes our world with vibrant color and whimsical spice.

Ethan
The Playful:  He stands close to all, watching, waiting for his opportunity to pounce.  With silly fits and tickling words, surprise attacks of love and thoughtful expressions, he reminds us it never remains dark.

Logan
The Innocent:  He is a miracle of his own determination.  He brightens our trail with sweetness and iridescence cleansing our wounds he washes clean our worries setting free our troubles.

My children… the astounding reminder that Heaven exists… the glow of my hazel eyes and my reason to breathe.

They are the one beautiful nature I have given back to the world.

This is what I am doing here.  For better or far worse, I ache to do right by them.  The blessings I thought as a teenager I didn’t even want to have.  The pieces of me that so richly fill me and allow me to have purpose.

I received a response to my last post from a dear, most precious friend.  She’s a ridiculously talented writer whom I have compared many times to Walt Whitman.  I’m not even certain what she was trying to get across.  Was the message my own advice, suck it up and be a man?  Or was it appreciate what you have but make those changes.
Or could it have been, Pidg stop whining?

Either way I want to clarify; I do know that the hardest part to change is actually following through on the change itself.  Once you’ve made that dive the rest is what you make of it.

I am not defeated.  I am in all honesty one of the strongest women I know.  To have made it this far keeping my pidglets with me and under my house and wing was against so many odds.  But I did it and we will continue to do so.

Part of climbing to a higher elevation is the burn you feel in your muscles and the ache in your back.  The summit, I believe, is not always your view from the top, but the view during the climbing journey.

I have a purpose… six to be exact.  And regardless of what any doctor says, I will not be defeated or even slowed down.  The sun will always touch my face if I look in the right direction.

Love…love… live for my babies.

The road is long, but I was built with endurance…
Thanks Mama for that one.

Off to my travels…
With much loves,
Pidg


2 comments:

  1. I can't imagine how full your heart is when my mine burst at the seams for just one baby. You're a wonderful mom! Oh I know, you have SIX hearts!

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  2. Yes you can venture through the wilderness and get to the other side...you are resilient - every day you show everyone what you can do ... and having your pidglets is just frosting on that Pidgalicious cake.
    Love you girl!

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