While Nay over at Coffee-n-ink.com and I were discussing this week’s “Same Difference” post we started giggling oh so hard once we landed on this subject. I wanted to name the post, “Don’t follow me” then we started talking about all of the things we do or don’t do right and or wrong we had to finally cut the conversation because we would have ended up writing the exact same post. Our take on things a lot of times are very similar even though we write it out in two very different ways. (yah, like the name of the post)
So without further rambling on the above paragraph I will commence rambling on the subject.
In order to have zero readers and a ginormous lack in followers it is imperative that you take bad photos. Awful pics are key to causing people to be disinterested in your blog. This goes hand in hand with having a normal not so amazing camera. If you’re interested in the type of camera I use, it’s red.
It’s also fitting if you bore your readers to death with random posts that might strike worry into the hearts of said readers that you might possibly be mentally unstable; at the very least unbalanced. True though it might be I continue these, what to me are important posts considering the doctors might one day need them for an actual diagnosis.
Occasionally you should join link ups with others such as a fashion link up. Be sure to take awkward pictures that do not belong in any credible fashion blog. And then, possibly most importantly, be sure to think you’re funny. After a few posts like that you will be sorely unappreciated by those around you.
Make sure to engage with your readers. For instance, when 1 of 2 friends that you have met through blogging comment on your post and then zero others comment make sure to smile and be grateful for those 2 friends and their ability to feel sorry enough for you to document it on your blog.
Always embarrass yourself. When other bloggers tell you silly things but refrain from posting pictures to actually document the occurrence visually don’t let that bother you. Post those pics that your children will one day use as blackmail. Don’t hold back, you might gain readers and that’s not what we’re here for is it now?
It is imperative to NOT have a professional design for your blog. Always keep your blog homemade and allow it to appear that you, yourself have designed it. It should reflect your lack of desire to spend actual money on something professional and further more display the
Attention Deficite Hyper-activity Disorder
you suffer from in that you must change it every 17.9 days. Branding? Oh please, that implies you know what you’re doing.
While this next tip is probably out of all of your control it is ridiculously helpful if you are way… waaaaaay older than all of the other bloggers. It is yet another vital point to not fitting in. Most of whom I read are “Mom-bloggers.”
Although I might be a mom as well, I’m an “older kid mom blogger” or mostly a “Mom of teens blogger”.
See how I fit into the other group? I like to bring weighty subjects to the table such as, “I’m sorry you’re lil ones now will not get better… except for the diapers. That improves eventually.” Along with that is the importance of inspiring and supportive posts about kids. I imagine they appreciate those lil tidbits I help them with. Such as; your babies now just grow up larger versions of the same babies but with louder mouths and eat more food. Encouragement… key…
Coin phrases such as: “lewzer” and “lil” and “pidglets” and “pudgwad, dorkwad, pansy muffin and chubble muffin.” Allow your readers to interpret the thoughts that might flow from your brain and vomit onto your page. Interpretation is chief so that the reader really doesn’t even know what the heck you might be talking about. Allow them to leave with the feeling of, “I might just have wasted 2.7 whole minutes of my life on that blog.” Notable…
Probably the most crucial piece of advice I can give to having a lack of followers and even fewer commenters is this. Make sure to have a best blogging friend that you might lean on when you realize what a lewzer you are. She must have the same sense of appreciation for sense of humor and lack of actual readable talent.
She must make fun of you as equally as you torment yourself and must… MUST… appreciate that you make her look good due to having even less page views, followers, and commenters. Then advertise your friendship so that they know you are two nuts in a shell. You get stalkers that way too… the creepy kind. You’re welcome my Nay.
Refer to pic at the top of the post! Now let’s go visit Nay and see what "Same Difference" advice she has to give
Make sure not to comment… that would be counter-productive. (wink)
Have a great middle of the week and I hope you found the help you were looking for.